it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
