you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
