were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
