dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
