If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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