Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize