I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
