I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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