so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
