you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
