Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
