I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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