Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
