Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
