I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the raccoons are back...
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