she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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