oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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