I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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