He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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