This house was built for laser tag.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
