Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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