it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
