I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
