The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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