I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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