Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
