You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
