Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
