I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
