ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
