I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
