The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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