Have you finally orgasmed yet?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
