I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
