You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
