I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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