I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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