It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
