Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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