the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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