I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
