I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
