Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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