I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
