I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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