its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
