His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
