When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
there is glitter all over my balls
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