her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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