he thought i was a dude.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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