it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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