FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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