i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
