this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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