My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
