You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my sisters under your porch take her home
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
