He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
