did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Someone shattered a urinal.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
