I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
