My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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