When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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