woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I supernannyed him into submission
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
