Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
