So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
