Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
