Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
