I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
