Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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