If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
