There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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