she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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