He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize