He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
