I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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