so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I forget how to act sober
Randomize