For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
