I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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