i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
