I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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