i need an iv and a liver transplant
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
