Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
