this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
