i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
