I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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