the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize