nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
