I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
