the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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