the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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