Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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