I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
