she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize