I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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