he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
