pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
