I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
