Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
