I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
