I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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