Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
