I'm eating all of the evidence.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
